A Parents Autism Experiences

Locks

2010-09-15T11:35:00.000-07:00

At our house we have lots and lots of locks. We have locks for cabinets and locks for doors. We have locks for all sorts of things.

Shown here is a lock for our bathroom. It is placed on the outside of the door just as high up as I can reach (which isn't all that high since I'm really short).

Why, you ask, do we have so many locks? And why would anyone need a lock on the outside of the bathroom?

Because we don't like stepping into mysterious goo messes at random times during the day. Because there are short, energetic creatures who will open each and every drawer and cabinet in the house and empty the contents of each and every bottle into the bath water. Because if we didn't have the locks we would certainly have many more trips to the emergency room.

We put up locks on the the front door to keep the child inside so he doesn't roam the streets wearing only his diaper. We put up locks on the back door so that he doesn't go out to dig in the back yard when it is blizzarding outside. In short our house is not just child safe - it is autistic child safe.

Thomas And Friends

2010-08-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

Maybe you've heard of Thomas and Friends? Its a little show about a blue train and all of his friends. By now I can name off each of them and tell you what colors they are, their names and thier personalities, despite the fact that I'm personally not all that interested in them.

Mr. Energy, on the other hand loves Thomas. It is one of the very few ways we can ensure that he will sit quiet for a little while. There are lots of other shows out there, some with singing and music, some with brighter colors and more interesting plots, but none of them holds his attention like Thomas. I'm not sure what it is about the trains that gets to him but it holds a power like no other.

He will sit (and to my mind that is a miracle) for over an hour, sometimes even two hours and watch the television. No grand feat you may say. But when you consider that if anything else is on he generally won't pay any attention to it at all, I find it pretty interesting. My other kids enjoy their t.v. when I'm nice enough to let them. I have to prod them to mobilize, but not Mr. Energy.

Bubbles

2010-07-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

If you ever want to see a kid run and scream and holler then just break out the bubbles. I don't know what magical property they have but it works like a shot of pure lightning to set Mr. Energy running around a room at top speed.

We got a little bubble machine - a hand held one like a bubble gun - and believe me you never saw a kid more excited. Sure my daughter was happy too. She's four and four year olds love bubbles. I never knew a kid who didn't like bubbles. But Mr. Energy got so wound up he couldn't even begin to hold it in. Jumping, hollering, running in circles.

He's quite the sight to see when the bubbles come out and of course its a pretty good way to wear off some of that energy so maybe he will sleep a bit better tonight.

The Little Carnivore

2010-06-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, vegetarians out there you might want to skip this post. It turns out that Mr. Energy is a huge carnivore, except for apples and bread. Okay he likes some fruit too but for whatever reason wheneve we are eating meat be it chicken, beef, fish, pork or wild game all he eats is the meat.

He will eat 2 adult portions without batting an eye and if we offer him anything else and I do mean anything else he just pushes it aside and goes back to the meat. I'm really not sure why it is. We eat a rather balanced diet at our place. There is usually fruit at snack times and veggie sticks (no dressing) and a wide variety of healthy sandwiches and soups - all of which he will eat in their proper time and place.

But if you put a pork chop on the table he acts as if it is the last meal being served and everything else is poison.

The Diaper Dilemma

2010-05-13T08:45:00.000-07:00

Mr. Energy wears pull-up type diapers. They work just fine and since every attempt at potty training has failed miserably so far they are the status quo.

However he is very particular about his diapers. He prefers just one brand. Okay that is only the half of it. Prefers is the wrong word. He would rather strip butt naked and run around with nothing on than wear anything else. And it isn't just the one brand. It is that specific brand with one specific color of truck printed on it.

So this means that out of every package of diapers we buy he throws a fit about wearing half of the diapers and jumps up and down for joy for the other half. Don't manufacturers realize it would be easier to make the diapers with no prints at all?

Refrigerator Locks

2010-04-13T08:37:00.000-07:00

So we finally had to break down and get some locks for the fridge. Mr. Energy likes to snack throughout the day. In fact if we let him I don't think he would sit down for a meal ever. I don't mind that so much, but he has a habit of making messes if left to his own devices in the kitchen.

So all of the crackers are locked in the cupboards, all of the cookies (when I get around to baking them) are put up high. And now the refrigerator has a pair of safety locks on it to keep him out as well.

Not only does he tend to make messes he also tends to leave the fridge door wide open and around here it gets pretty hot which means that I can't really have all that cold air being replaced with a bunch of hot air. So locks on the fridge it is. I hope he grows out of this stage soon.

Counting Competition

2010-03-13T08:31:00.000-08:00

So I held a little counting competition this morning between my nine year old son and four year old daughter. Now she's cute as a button but she has a streak of stubborn in her as wide as Texas. She loves her brother but also loves to win.

So today for the first time I got her to count to ten willingly. How was this miracle performed? By challenging her to count more correctly and quickly than her brother. Naturally whis was an impossible task but she sure put her little heart into it. In the end we all had a laugh but I'm thinking if we can harness that stubborness in a good way then just maybe my little girl might go far.

Church Sucks!

2010-02-13T08:23:00.000-08:00

At least when Mr. Energy is not feeling like sitting still.

I enjoy church - most of the time. I enjoy reading the gospel. I enjoy trying to be a good person, but when you've got a kid who just isn't cut out for sitting and all you want to do is listen it can be a little patch of hell where heaven out to be.

He gets these moods where he just wants to laugh and whoop and scream as loud as he can - because he's happy. And it just so happens that he also understands that one way to escape a quiet place is to let out a whoop and a holler.

Oh well, I'm sure that he's already got a space reserved in heaven and certainly doesn't need the preaching as much as the rest of us.

Thank Goodness for Lucky Charms

2010-01-13T08:20:00.000-08:00

You know, that cereal with the little dried out marshmallows in it. Without that I don't know what my kids would do for breakfast. Except my daughter, who can put away six fried eggs if you let her. But Mr. Energy refuses to eat anything but cereal and his favorite, you guessed it those dried out marshmallows.

He just climbs into a chair by the table and sits and waits for his bowl. He doesn't talk but I know what is on his mind. And then he sits there, as quiet as he will ever get through the day, munching cold cereal and smiling like a fool. Breakfast is a happy time.

Indoor Play Structures

2009-12-12T12:30:00.000-08:00

Indoor play structures are a real life saver when you are looking for an inexpensive outing with the kids.

This is one of our favorites here. We like to take our kids and get them a kids meal, or even just a 99 cent burger or an ice cream and then let them play for a while. This one in particular is really nice because there is also a television where I can kick back and relax for a bit.

Whenever we go to town this is what the kids ask for. I like to think that maybe we are making some happy memories for them. I know that I enjoy this time with the kids as much as anything else I do.

The Merry Go Round

2009-11-07T12:10:00.000-08:00

A lot of parks these days no longer have any fun toys for the kids to play on. Mostly you will find a plastic play structure with a broken slide and barkdust covering an old parking lot. Better than nothing, but still not as cool as a merry go round.

All of my kids really love the merry go round, but when I want to calm Mr. Energy down this is where I take him. That's him there in the green hat. He loves to ride the merry go round. He will stay on it for an hour at a time, even if it isn't moving.

But he really loves when it spins just as fast as I can get it spinning. He just stands there and smiles and giggles and laughs. The other kids all eventually get dizzy and threaten to puke if I don't stop it but he just laughs and wants more.

I don't know why he loves it so much, but it makes for an easier afternoon when he gets his merry-go-round fix.

T.V.

2009-10-13T12:15:00.000-07:00

Mr. Energy, as I like to refer to my autistic boy really doesn't like to watch television, except for a few movies that he really, really, really likes.

One expert warned us that if we weren't careful he would be much more likely to sit and watch T.V. for hours on end than the rest of our kids. So far this has played out completely the opposite. While the other kids sit glued to a show he will be bouncing from place to place and room to room gladly ignoring the show.

I am still unsure if this is a good thing or not. On the one hand yes I am glad that he will not be turning into a couch potatoe anytime soon. On the other hand it means that I can't just pop in a DVD and go and work on whatever I think I need to work on for a few minutes without worry. Those little parenting breaks are something that I need in order to keep my sanity, but they come only very intermittently with Mr. Energy.

The Moneky Harness

2009-09-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

The Monkey Harness is an indispensable tool in our arsenal to keep our kid safe. We actually have another harness which is a puppy, but we like the monkey harness the best.

He wears it on his back like a little backpack, and the tail is a leash. We never really used a harness with our other children, but with little mister energy it is absolutely necessary.

We send him to school everyday with his little harness on so that his older brother can hold onto him and keep him from running off until he is in the safe hands of his teachers.

At stores, most of the time he still rides in the shopping cart, but for those times when he just won't cooperate the monkey is a life saver. He is getting to where he wants to do more things that other children do and this is one way to allow him those experiences without having to worry if he is going to be off down the street in another three seconds.

Learning To Sign

2009-08-09T20:49:00.000-07:00

About a year and half ago we started to learn sign language with our boy. In all honesty it didn’t take the first time. In fact it didn’t do anything at all except frustrate us and him. He didn’t understand what we were trying to do and we ended up quitting.

I think that at 3 years old he was just too young. All children develop differently, and that holds true for autistic kids as well.

We tried again about six months ago, and what a miracle. Our little clam has opened up in ways that we never expected. He has gone from not understanding or at least not being able to communicate what he understands to having some semblance of normal communication with his parents and siblings.

We made the plunge and spent over $300 and got the “Signing Time” DVD collection. Now I’m not selling them and I could care less if you run out and buy them or not, but they have literally opened up a whole new world for us.

We have two other children, one nine and one four. All of the children love the videos and as parents we are learning the signs as well. Now our little boy can identify all of the foods he likes, as well as a variety of other activities and objects. It is so much easier to be able to say it is bed time than to have to show him the bed etc.

I know that for us learning sign language has been a huge bonus.

A Day At The Park

2009-07-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

My boy just loves the park. He loves to swing and he loves the merry-go-round. He really enjoys the motion and the senstations of freefall.

In a lot of ways he is very fearless (which can be quite dangerous). He has no qualms about jumping off of a spinning merry-go-round.

Oddly enough he doesn't run off as much as he used to, which is very nice because this particular park isn't fenced in. For those of you out there dealing with flight risk children, might I recommend scouting around for parks with fenced in areas. They really are very nice because the kid gets to play without you having to be the virtual fence.

No Clothes

2009-06-06T11:30:00.000-07:00

My son has some sort of vendetta against wearing clothes. Whenever he gets home from school, the first thing he does is strip off all his clothes so that he can run around the house. Even when he sneaks out into the back yard he doesn't bother putting on any clothes.

We have a super tall fence and the neighbors aren't nosy so I don't worry about it too much except that he does it even when it is really cold or really hot outside. I don't really want him to get sick or sunburned and it is sometimes quite scary. If I dress him before he goes out then I just find his clothes scattered around the yard, which makes it quite a pain to keep them clean.

He especially hates to wear socks. When we go to the store, for example, he will allow us to dress him, but if we put socks on him then by the time we get out of the car he will have removed his socks, though he does put his shoes back on his bare feet. I really have no idea why he hates his socks so much. Maybe he gets sweaty feet. This is just one of those things that I would really like him to be able to explain to me so that I can understand.

His First Words

2009-05-16T20:54:00.000-07:00

When my oldest child said his first words, it was pretty darn cool. I mean I called up my mother and told her about it and she was pretty happy. He was about 9 months old. He hasn’t shut up since, and believe me we’ve been trying.

We also have a daughter who it took a bit longer to get her to open up. She was about 14 months before she really started talking. For a while we were a bit worried, but now she is as bad (or good) as her brother.

Then there is our little autistic boy. Waiting for years for him to say “daddy” really was hard. There is an expectation that children will just recognize you at some point. That they will just say who you are and give you a bit of credit for bringing them into the world. When it doesn’t come it is pretty rough to deal with.

All I can say is that when that day did arrive it was one of the happiest in my life. I admit that I did shed a tear or two over it.

Unlike the other two we still struggle each day to get him to say even the simplest of phrases. There is something inside him that just doesn’t see the need to communicate like that. But there is still a look in his eyes and something in his smile that he reserves just for mom and dad. The words may not be there, but all of the love and emotion that a child has for his parents is there, and those are things that make him just too adorable to ignore.

Another Day, Another Mess

2009-04-04T08:24:00.000-07:00

We just moved, and moving means that there are a ton of things to fix. With three kids, that means that of course there are going to be some hiccups along the way.

One of the great things about the new place is that there is a nifty little room attached to the garage which I am converting into a workshop so that I can follow my numerous hobbies. Of course this means cleaning, organizing and today I was painting.

Well I forgot to lock the bathroom door while I was out. My boy got in there and I found a wonderful miracle of toothpaste mixed with my nice clean towels all over the floor. My wife's makeup in the tub, toilet paper everywhere and one little boy who knew he was in big trouble.

People tell me to enjoy my kids while they are little because they will only be little once. On days like this I really would like to offer those folks the chance to enjoy little once again.

Thanks for Understanding Teachers

2009-03-23T20:53:00.000-07:00

There are educators and there are educators. Some are good and some are better. (Of course there are those we just won’t talk about).

This post is a special thank you to those who spend their precious time and energy dealing with my kid and other kids like him.

Yes, I know that you get paid. And yes I know that you chose your profession for your own reasons. And yes, I know that you will probably never read this, but if you do then take this as a big warm thank you and a big warm virtual hug.

You are a saint, an angel, and my respite. You have helped me when I felt lost. Please keep up the good work, and on those days when you are feeling down, please know that all of us parents are out here pulling for you.

Smearing

2009-03-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is one that I’m really glad he appears to be getting over. Smearing.

For those of you out there wondering what smearing is, well it is one of the most disgusting things that autistic children tend to develop a habit of. In essence they take their feces and wipe it on the walls or whatever happens to be handy.

From what I understand it has to do with a mix of textural sensations as well as the discovery process of dealing with something appearing suddenly in their diaper.

Let’s just say it is very, very frustrating to deal with, especially when you know that they are just as confused as you are by their own behavior.

So, what do you do about this one? The best solution that I have found is to simply watch the boy like a hawk. When you see the potty signs coming, take him in and see what you can do.

Unfortunately he is scared or frustrated by the toilet. I’m not sure why. His current alternative, which is much better than before, is to use the bath tub. At least it makes cleaning things up much easier. In fact he really enjoys the tub and would spend all day in the bath if we let him.

If anyone out there has solid advice, please send it my way.

Dealing With “What do You Want”

2009-02-23T20:50:00.000-08:00

Perhaps the most frustrating part of dealing with our particular child has been the “what do you want” routine.

Without the ability to communicate in other ways, he has developed a way of communicating which is to grab your hand and take you into a room where the object of his desire is located. Then we get to play a little game where we attempt to figure out which object it is.

For parents who are dealing with a child in similar circumstances I can recommend the following things:

First, make sure that anything you don’t want the kid to have or to harass you about constantly is in a locked cabinet.

Second, put the items that you do want the child to have regular access to in plain view, but just out of reach (so they don’t get into it and make a huge mess). That way the choices will be much more obvious.

Finally, before you give out the object, make the child give a sign or a word (any sound similar to the word is good). This really does encourage speech development.

Introducing My Boy

2009-01-26T20:45:00.000-08:00

I have a little boy who is now 5. He is autistic (pretty obvious from the blog title). I wanted to introduce him here since this is the first post. Naturally I’ll keep his name anonymous because after all he will grow up and the internet has a way of making things permanent.

We discovered his autism quite early on. At first we thought he had a hearing problem because he simply didn’t respond when we called his name. He would just keep going and going. Well, three hearing tests later we finally convinced someone that it might be something else. A bunch of tests later they said autism.

For a run of the things that he does differently, let me just go over a few of them.

At 5 and a half he is just now beginning to talk. By this I mean he said “mommy” and “daddy” for the first time just two months back, and he still doesn’t say them very often. He knows words for the foods he likes but we still have to encourage him to use his words.

He is not potty trained (still working on this one)

He does not come when called.

He does not keep a “normal” sleep schedule.

He is hyper-active nearly all the time (he runs and jumps constantly).

He hates wearing clothes.

He likes to play with gooey, soft objects such as mud and especially make big messes with them.

We love our boy and hope that he can overcome the challenges that he faces.